I hope the sun appears today as I used my last hand towel to dry myself after my shower this morning.
I`m not looking forward to what tomorrow`s “necessity is the mother of invention” harvest will yield. I trimmed my nails last night. It had to be done, They would soon start to curl. I wasn`t purposely growing them but such was the novelty of not having to trim them weekly once I finished up my pottery course, that I was in no way ashamed of how claw-like they had become.
Porn star teacher is wearing an almost transparent pair of white tracksuit bottoms today. Not for the faint hearted.My eye is itchy. Don`t have a tissue to blow my nose. Think I`ll just snort it up instead.
Wonder what I`ll do next class.
I`ve been told that my voice has changed. Do I have a cold one wonders? Naw. I`m just a bit low on energy.
Glad that today is today and not yesterday. Yesterday was a dark day. I was empathising with the reasoning of those who end up in death row. Bludgeoning sounded beautiful. A nail-spiked hammer in the face. There were no prisioners to be taken. Yesterday was all out war. Is it the weather, or the hormonal circus, or my imminent departure? Or a bloody irrational hot fondue of them all? Emotions are tall now. Watch out for constant interruptions, and comments pertaining to the neglectful parenting of your bike, and you thank the comets that your thoughts cannot be read, “yeah, I`ll look after my bike and you can look after your…” whatever.
Some people like to preach to others instead of listening to their inner selves.
My little first year boys. I fall for one or two a year. They *almost* make the volume on the biological clock turn up from mute. I sometimes wish to mother them. Statements I`ve regretted. “I just want to breatfeed them!”
Dry throat.
The watermelon a la lemon is nice.
Thought about offering it around the staffroom. Maybe I`ll do that. Naw…walked back to my desk and chickened. Fed it to myself instead. It`s weird that I do that sometimes.
There`s a strong genetic component to how we handle trauma. Learning to see a calm side to things can be learned but there`s evidence to show that we`re mostly genetically predisposed. The more self-validated you are, the more comfortable you can be wherever you are, but the less you fit into the group because the group wants to be the validating force. The more alcohol in your system the more your self-validating system is depressed.
I`m annoyed that for my last class ever with my first years the teachers wants to do an interview test. I think I`ll give them all an A. Just for the fecking laugh. If I`m nice to someone they should be appreciative. It would be nice if people were always appreciatve but this isn`t realistic. They will often be appreciative but sometimes they won`t be.
It is my thoughts that create my anger and not my teachers or students behaviour. I hate how this computer underlines my spellings because it reads only American Spellings. America. Nuff said about that. I`m dreading going home.
Someone beside me is grumbling at the printer. It`s been working really slowly of late.
I hate talking about and watching films. I`m not watching another film for a year. That`s going to be my prize to myself. Action must come first and the motivation comes later on.
“ I`m Mr. Eguchi, from Seibu. I just sent you a fax, did you get it?” Taking responsible for things I`m not responsible for.
The speech tomorrow. Don`t want to make it .I did before, but now I don`t.
There`s going to be a typhoon at the weekend. So that`s the decision made on the beach party. Drip, drip, drip. I never asked to be a woman. I said a prayer this morning, for the first time in ages, “Father in heaven you love me, you`re with me night and day, I try to love you always in all I do and say. Bless me through this day amen.” It sounds so wrong. I don`t try to love him in all I do and say, in fact I rarely think about him when I`m doing thing. Bloody mosquitos. Now if ever there was a waste of space/oxygen oxygen George Bushesque animal it`s the mosquitos. Oh and rats. Let us not forget rats.
That`ll be my tummy looking for food. Have I neared a page yet? It doesn`t make sense. Grey trousers. The eighties. Giggle. The end.